video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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