Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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