Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize