It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize