You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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