you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
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Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
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no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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