she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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