Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
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All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
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But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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