Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
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I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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