Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
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But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
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I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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