so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize