Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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