This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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