I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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