i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
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just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
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All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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