who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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