You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize