...so i touched it.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
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She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
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I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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