Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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