I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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