i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
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You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
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I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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