Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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