Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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