Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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