I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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