I think my vagina is haunted
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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