On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
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I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
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When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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