haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
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