R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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