I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize