if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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