If i come over, it means nothing
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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