I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
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The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
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My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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