My boss' voice literally gives me gas
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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