You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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