I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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