The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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