I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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