Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize