dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
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He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
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I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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