i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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