Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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