You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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