I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize