I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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