u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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