last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
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you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
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did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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