i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
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I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
we're so committed to being not committed
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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