11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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