I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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